hollerback@you

Christmas 2011

2011-12-22T18:19:00.000-08:00

Its only a half day in the office today.
Bakanishi's jap soft club hits are on repeat and i don't understand a word. But his autotune is brightening up my morning.
I don't understand how the others in the office are attempting to work when someone's eight year old kid is in the office and verbally enjoying a comic superhero cartoon on a spare laptop without earphones. Its Christmas, everyone wants to make it feel like Christmas.

language

2011-11-08T00:39:00.000-08:00

balancing a pen on a piece of paper, or just positioning your fingers over a keyboard to record your thoughts in words is slightly nerve wrecking.

My thoughts define me, they shape me on the inside, moulding my heart into a unique pattern and eventually this pattern resurfaces for people around me to see. But to write in a public journal, or a open blog is like a highway for these internal wonderings to shoot straight out through my skin and display to everyone the morals that i guide myself along. It is not slightly nerve wrecking, it is very unsettling.

Even so, I recognise an insecurity when I see one, and while i am still young, versatile, and strong hearted I visualize myself as a transformer, twisting the insecurities that plague teenage restless nights into personal momentums. I would like to write, or express clearly onto paper, while emptying myself of anxiety when they are worthless to be kept within. If I could use words that beat the same rhythem of my anxious heart, hopefull i will feel just a little bit better. language is not meant for communcation within souls, but within a soul maybe the mind and the heart will begin to understand each other a little better.

30DLC - Someone from my childhood

2011-04-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge

Write to - Someone from my childhood.

Dear Shanzxzxzxz <3,

Its crazy, not even me, but everyone around me knows that my childhood somehow equates to Shanmei, the longest friend I've ever had, and the longest it seems to be for anyone else's friendship.

I am so proud of it, and sometimes, I'm not.

I see some people exchange wall posts on Facebook with words like "my best friend for 10 or 15 years!" and I think "I have a crazy awesome friend you can't even compare!" But then sometimes I am so ashamed, when even after twenty stinking years I still spell your name as Shan Mei. and I take a few moments to recall the proper spelling for Qin Yuan. Or when you always wish me "Have a safe trip!" and "Yayyyyy! You're back!!!" when I leave and return from almost every trip, while I fail to properly remember the dates of your flights. When you say "Love you" and "Miss you" to me, and you really mean it. I always smile when i see those words from you, and my heart overfills. I am incredibly proud, I hardly even say "Love you" to my parents, but thinking about replying those words to you makes me ten times more shy.

I moved church with you, because for most of the time, the word "Church" equates to you. I'd miss you horridly if we never met often. I don't tell you about my most upsetting moments, in fact they aren't told to anyone at all. But I just do plain chit-chat sleepy Sunday small talk with you, and I am healed. You can guess my thoughts even my mouth is shut.You know how I was soooo awkward years ago, and I still am now. You let me cling onto for a day a week for years! I disrupted your social life as "the girl always right next to Shan".

I read some time ago, that we start of as kids, growing not into adults, but rather, adult-like kids.

I think it applies, and no matter where I may go, you can probably give better guesses than my mother on my next move. I'm so glad I met you so long ago, and I'm even happier I'm going to continue growing with you. This such a crappy end to the letter, but thats because its not the proper ending in reality. I don't want to guess where we'll lead each other to next, because it'll be more surprising this way.

I guess, I'll see you next Sunday.

With lots of love,

Joy.

because she cares

2011-02-10T04:45:00.000-08:00

I finished Notes from My Travels by Angelina Jolie and it was rad. It was a library copy, but I will keep my eye out for it in the bookshops.

I googled to find out more on her humanitarian work, and wikipedia never disappoints with their links! I'll keep my time and hard drive open for space to watch the movie Beyond Borders and the MTV Special of her and a big UN hotshot in Africa. I'll describe him in awesomer terms when i finish the series.

and hey! more links for me to waste time staring at this luminous screen.

2011-02-09T06:54:00.000-08:00

"Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn’t make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn’t wait to grow up".

- Unknown.

30DLC - Someone not in your country

2011-01-25T20:13:00.001-08:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Someone not in your country.

Dear Lemmz,

You're the one person that made me fully appreciate the connective power of the internet.
Somehow, somewhere, there is magic in online journals. Its crazy. The connection seemed like it was just waiting to be discovered, all laid out ready like a solid steady friendship just built on words and lots of figurative hearts.

Recieving an email with a "<3" from you was love, seriously.
I never thought it would be better than recieving one via text.

I hope your mother is alright. I really still do.
And i hope you're doing great there in snowy Canada!

Cheers,
Joy

2011-01-17T01:33:00.000-08:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Someone you miss the most.

Dear Steph,

I miss you the most!
thought you outta know.

Joy.

Hong Kong - May 2010

2011-01-12T06:17:00.000-08:00

All Blacks vs. Wallabies

my favorits from gizmodo prime's zoom competition!

2010-12-10T08:49:00.000-08:00

Photo by: Taylor Trevathan

Photo by: Nicholas Upton

Photo by: Weston Schlack

Photo by: Marc Lanciaux

30 DLC - Someone you've drifted away from

2010-11-24T05:53:00.000-08:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Someone you've drifted away from

Dear Ms Drifting Away,

Gosh there are so many of you. Its like we were all on this continent one day, and on the next there was this earthquake and the continent split up and started floating away like bits of log wood and we're all forced to adapted to different waves of different oceans. Some of us get into typhoons earlier than the others, some of us find other continents, some of us meet at unexpectated times again.

But when we meet again we always know that we'll drift away again to meet other stranded people on other floating logs. Its life, always changing. The world is round, you can only see one side of it at any point in time, you can't plan the route of your drift wood or zoom towards the north when you fancy. The boundaries of that day start and end with a setting sun that doesn't actually set.

I don't have any regrets drifting with people, because its just natural to make space for new people. I don't want to have lingering thoughts about how i missed all these lost friends when i'll rather dwell on memories that make me smile. Thats when all the fun comes in, and at the end of each day you don't feel so lonely because the memories keep you company and make sure you look forward to the next day for new collectibles.

I could go on about this, but its just a letter. The next time i write a letter to the same person, i could be totally different, and thats just awesome.

It never ends, but unfortunately, this letter must.

Take care,
Joy

30 DLC - Someone you hope will forgive you

2010-11-24T05:36:00.000-08:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Someone you wish could forgive you

Dear I forgot your name,

We met in during Pinnacle. Hell, i didn't even speak more than five words to you.
Everyone was talking to me, Everything we've planned for months were rushing past every minute. It was an exhausting time. My body andrenaline ran high for three days. It was so tiring, trying to keep track of everyone and everything. But yet we managed. But yet, nothing is an excuse for that i said to you.

It was just a passing comment, about your health. Gawd, i commented about it like it was about your weight. Fuck, i teased you about your heart murmur. I didn't think, and just raised my voice so you could hear my taunt properly. I was so mean. I know i didn't mean it, but i never knew i could be so unconsciously cruel. A few seconds later, you scared me with a passing motorized car. You laughed and continued playing, one full minute later I was wheeling internally how horrible my lightheartedness could have bored a hole through your sensitivity, a defect you were born with, never chose for yourself, but could choose a timing anytime when your heart could stop.

I can't even rememeber your name. But even if you don't remember what i said to you, I won't forget it. I won't forgive myself and forget, because i never want to say anything similar to anyone else in the same situation.

I hope you live strong and loud with a beating heart until the end of time.
Joy.

30 DLC - Someone you hate

2010-11-24T05:30:00.000-08:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Someone you hate or caused you a lot of pain

Dear -,

I've not met you yet.
I hope I never will.

Me.

your camera is your magic wand.

2010-10-11T01:11:00.000-07:00

Japan looks magical!

Japan Photos -- National Geographic

So does Vancouver!
Lions Gate Bridge - National Geographic

What about Washington?
Washington - National Geographic

Voldermort came to Africa
Africa - National Geographic

30 DLC - Someone Deceased

2010-09-23T23:54:00.000-07:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Someone Deceased

Dear Mr Fighting Fish,

I must have had you when I was around twelve years ago!!!!
I remember you were dark blue, with a hint of purple around the edges and brushes of red.

You were my first live pet Mum let me keep!
I remember trying to ask for a hamster, but Mum was "Okay, lets do a trial hamster". She made me keep a box with newspaper lining, makeshift objects as the hamster's furniture, and a small yellow soft toy as the hamster. I had to change the bowl of water and the food (rice grains) daily.
But i was small and still got lazy. Chucked a whole lot of rice grains into the bowl in the box and decided on only change it once every few days.
Mum left a note in that box a few days later, written with "Hamster overfed, dead."

But it was interesting! and so were you because you were really cute with your snobby little nose/mouth. I'll never agitate you with the mirror because i couldn't imagine how a fish would feel angry.

But yes, one day you floated, immobile and upside down. I can't remember if you got flushed down the toilet or we dug up a small patch of grass for you in the HDB compound.
But i didn't cry (:

The one thing i learnt from you, you can't really learn much from fish.

Hope you're well in heaven! :D

Cheers, Joy

Segamat, Johor Bahru Malaysia

2010-09-12T05:16:00.000-07:00

The highlight of the trip was the Triple Cheeseburger at MacDonald's.

yummilicious favourites

2010-09-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

Joy's $1 treats (:

80c soy bean milk from marine parade market (:
made fresh every morning, available chilled or with grass jelly if you like. opens wayyyyy earlier that koi bubble tea. low fat (i think). did i mention its like one third the price of koi milk tea? take away comes in a plastic bag and straw (minimize that plastic waste man!)

30c ice lolly ( only found on pulau ubin)
heavennnnnn after sweating it out on pulau ubin's unforgiving terrain and sun. flavour's always fresh and goes according to color. break them into half or borrow the huge sharp chopper from the smiling aunty to slit the tip off and suck all the melted (or still frozen) ice goo. extremely whackable, refreshing, and even after three lollies you'll have the energy and patience to take the bumpboats back to changi jetty and queue for that overatted nasi lemak.

??c cream rolls & puffs from Chin Mei Chin Confectionary along east coast road
these guys are sold out before 1pm with the swarm of white collar workers who sweat it out to walk along the length of east coast road and the midday sun to get their hands on these babies. Baked fresh with that firm pure white cream and brown humble pastry. Grab a coffee in those small chinese antique cups that have handles sometimes too small for your fingers. no parking nearby, and only taste the best when eaten on the spot. Don't try to talk up the lady workers there. They have a history of declining interviews from magazines and etc for years.

$1 oysters at Zen restaurant at East Coast Beach
yum! oysters are small, not tiny, but always fresh. great for a treat to spam these babies! its the small black painted restaurant next to macs. crazy chef's got some crazy ideas for fusion food, but adventure is usually always worth the experience right? :D the baked oysters at 2.80 a piece is heaven dripping from above. that, i die for.

imagery

2010-09-01T20:00:00.001-07:00

Tumblr Worthy

Randy Martin, omg i love his photos.
75% blue in every photo. Phenomenal.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/randypmartin/

Creative Packaging.
http://www.toxel.com/inspiration/2009/04/04/20-unusual-and-creative-packaging-designs/
(Y)

Nelleke Pieters
I want to be able to catch light rays like him.

http://www.myrecycledbags.com/2008/10/10/top-100-environmentalist-blogs/

Franck Allais

30 DLC - Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

2010-09-01T04:41:00.000-07:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Dear Tiny Tee,

We just met today! We didn't get to talk much though. No pointing fingers. Its just been like that for a while.

You're awesome, not because you're different, but because you're so comfortable with whoever you are, your body, your beliefs, your interests. You never change for the sake of someone else. That is so much courage that not many people have.

But best of all, you're incredibly loyal. You've never forgotten us, and you make sure we never forget that as well. The lessons your mum taught you so long ago never leave you. I can totally be assured you'll still be in my life ten years down the road, even if the lines connecting us are thin like threads. I rest assured because the no matter how many times i run into you in the future, you'll always hug me back if i stretch out my arms towards you.

Christmas cards every year? (:

Cheers,
Joy

30DLC - Your favourite internet friend

2010-08-22T01:05:00.000-07:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Someone you would like to meet.

Dear Grandpa,

I'm talking to you, father of my dad and not my mum. Both of you didn't marry my grandmothers. I've not heard much good about my maternal grandfather. But today my wadrobe collapsed internally and somehow or another, its paternal grandfather day today.

I want to meet you and find out more about you. Its so hard to relate someone to the words I read that you loved my grandmother so much. You wrote so much to her. You had a gift of words, and i want to hear that for myself. I want to know how you managed to make my grandma wait for you, live for you, alone with only her children and an incomplete family just because she didn't get to you first. I want to know how you managed to live with yourself and let her suffer. I've never heard my dad utter a bad word against you, only to your first family. At least you met me. You came to see me when i was so young, just a newborn, and you acknowledged the need to meet your grand daughter once.

I hear that you were so talented. You were revered, your gift for words didn't just give you a column in the newspapers every day in Penang, but it gave you a following who turned up at your funeral to send you off in tears. I want to read those words, I want to know what it was like to be you, to be my father, and to be living with the conscience of four other beings on your mind. I knew you were great. But especially today, i just want to find out why. Am i anything like you? Is my dad exactly like you? What would you want me to say if one day my kids ask me about you?

Maybe its just a day today that i yearn for my roots. Ben and I have never grown up very close to any older relatives. Migrants to Singapore, grandparents and the closest relatives were in Malaysia, where my parents had already given up their citizenship rights. Nana can only return to Malaysia now and point out run down buildings which she raised my dad, but i can't imagine nuts there. Grandma, and the other grandma as well, just don't really bring up the subject of younger days often. They can point out relatives to me at alternate chinese new years, and i forget them and their stories anyway. There are too many of them, with too many relations. The younger generations are also no longer there, and you can bet these chinese new year gatherings will stop happening and drop in scale as the years go by.

I want to know as well, if you were back in the living realm and ruling our extended family hieracy. Would you do it with an iron fist? Would you make many changes? Would you reconsile with those who hate your guts? Would you ask me to follow your footsteps, or my dad instead?

It would be very interesting, wouldn't it?

Stay cool,
Joy

30DLC - Your favourite internet friend

2010-08-21T01:51:00.000-07:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - your favourite internet friend.

Dear Xing,

Don't be surprised this letter has your name in it. I did think about it carefully, and you're the closest in mind at least for the past year. Before your ego grows and explodes, please hear me out.

But only for this past year. Anything before that one year is plain weird. I can talk to you the longest via chat, I can ignore many other conversations and just focus on yours. You sprout nonsense just as much as me, when i start complaining you turn it into something funny that i forget about being angry. I can poke at any emotional creak you try to hide. Which i apologize, because its incredibly mean. You try to make me feel guilty by being all sensitive, but i know your ego is protected by leather and cow's hide. I don't worry so much when i trash nonsense onto you.

But that's all lovely when we're not talking about ourselves. When you bring up subject of 'we', my face immediately falls into a "-.-" behind my screen. I'm serious. I know what you're getting at and I don't think its that funny. I'm slightly creeped out but the idea, even though you may not be serious. If it was any real, i know it'll hurt, and i don't want to hurt you by joking lightheartedly with you. Ms words fly fast, and they sometimes hurt fast too.

I still like talking to you, even though i'm too lazy this time to take up the initiative. You have the balls, pick up your phone first! There are many other girls i know who enjoy your company. Please get a girl, continue your dates with her on the stands of our school sports complex. Let me continue poking fun at you, i'll let you do the same to me :D then we go back to chit chat okay? (:

Cheers! Don't die in army without any girls.
Joy

30DLC - Previous Crush

2010-08-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - your previous crush.

Dear you,

Right, at this point, this letter seems a bit silly. But oh my gawd, you were so incredibly B.O.R.I.N.G. I don't know if you had (still have) a problem to talking to girls, or your keyboard is messed up you can't type past five words every time its your turn to talk during an online conversation.

Don't know much about your life. Don't know much about your world. But don't want to be alone tonight on this planet they call earth. You don't know about my past, and I don't have a future figured out. I'm sorry, but that part of you in me is small, and will remain forever so.

What do you say to taking chances. what do you say to jumping off the edge. Never know when there's solid ground below. Or hand to hold. Or hell to pay. What do you say. When i tell you i wish i could be selective, like I am right now, inserting selective lyrics into this letter. You deserve the letter's length, but now the width of the heart in it.

I just want to start again. Maybe you could show me how to try. Maybe you could take me in. somewhere underneath your skin. I'm already bored of the illusion and the pretty smile you always had.

Moving on, i hate this mush already.

Cheers, till the next time.
Joy.

30DLC - A Stranger

2010-08-18T03:25:00.000-07:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - A Stranger

Hey Stranger,

Do you have a name? Mine is really easy to remember.

This is weird. slightly.

If you're a random dude on omeagle.com I'll just tell you "i have a fat cat" as an opening sentence. If you respond and still wait for my reaction, i'll tell you that i've lied. I actually have a dog.

Can i find out more about you first before i talk about myself?

Cheers :D
Joy

WISH- Assignment 3

2010-08-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

Nice poem, but LATE (:

A new semester and a new timetable,
I stepped into class with a yawn.
We’re already in our final year, each module seemed the same.
Fifteen minutes late, and still sleepy from the late night,
I initially thought Mr ET introduced the class as “WISH”.

Mr ET showed us a music video, many artists singing “We are the World”.
Mr ET said he shed some tears, I giggled instead.
But once home, I googled the lyrics of the song, and looped the video on youtube.
I understood it much better.
I chain-watched Michael Jackson videos for another hour.
I understood them all much better.

One of those Tuesdays, we played Risk.
Underneath all the awkward small talk and quiet introduction to group mates,
We all stared at our little plastic soldiers with intense concentration.
As the game got going, we laughed more, swore a little bit more.
I imagined myself as Britain, and visualized countries for my team mates which seemed most apt.
After two hours, I was itching to grab the board game from a nearby mall.
I could almost guess the countries each of my family members would resemble.

On a new Tuesday, we watched another movie of oppressed Blacks in South America.
They are my dad’s favourite; I’ve developed an immunity of feeling to similar movies.
Mr ET talked to us after the screening.
He talked a lot. And made me feel a lot too.
I learned to think, specifically pick out reasons for the falling out, and the falling together again.
I learnt to pinpoint the themes of reconciliation, and match them to other similar movies.
I went home to practise.

Another one of those Tuesdays, we visited DiD.
The pitch black darkness was unsettling.
The humility of our visually handicapped guides was unsettling too.
But I learnt to focus less on the loss of sight, but instead on the senses that remained.
Calling out to my friends, stretching out our arms and fingers, listening closely to every sound,
Seemed better than repeatedly opening my eyes and hoping night vision would miraculously appear.

One more Tuesday, we visited a camp belonging to SAF Specialist Infantry.
We waved to a friend who dropped out of Ngee Ann Polytechnic early, and was marching rounds on the parade square.
We tried his food rations, we tried firing his artillery.
I consider myself brave, reckless and unafraid of heights.
But I backed away from firing blanks with the machine guns.
The noise was cold hearted, and extremely brutal. I hated it.
I could not imagine my male classmates standing in front or behind these weapons.

WISH has been eventful and sent turmoil of emotion through me every Tuesday.
I learnt how to greater appreciate videos or movies themed around conflict, and relate them better to real life scenarios.
Reading newspapers now is more interesting, I can re-enact scenes of violence reported in the articles in my mind.
I understand now from Risk of the different priorities and their subsequent actions that many people choose.
During a quarrel now, I take a step back to look for their motives and risks that they are taking.
I learnt now how dark someone’s world turns after their sight is lost.
I continuously remind myself to be optimistic now, to grieve less, and focus on what remains.
I learnt to empathize with the victims of the brutality of war.
Eventually I might have to grow to accept firepower, but never embrace it.

Season Finale

2010-08-11T17:15:00.000-07:00

Buildings with Papa

2010-08-11T02:03:00.000-07:00

30DLC - Your Dreams

2010-08-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Your Dreams

Dear Dreams,

I actually neglect you. I could be arrested for not feeding you daily or making you starve in lonliness. I can't always seem to find you too. You're either hidden, or so cleverly disguised I give up the thought of even looking properly for you.

Mr Daydream however, is always where I've last left him. He is fabricated, a very very long time ago from my favourite childhood television programs and books, into a short sequence of events that i always recall to soothe myself down. But I can no longer modify him, like slab of cement he is hard, but he will never waver.

My heart dreams and wants, but my brain always brushes them aside, undermining them with naiveness and selfishness. I only dream of things I have experienced and tried out. Only when it has been proven to be within my grasp, do I dare to dream of doing it again.

I'm scared to fail. I always have been. I'm afraid to sign up for different blog accounts on wordpress or tumblr in case I neglect them in the future and let them remain as reminders of my uncommitment and indecisiveness. Do you know how many journals I have at home with the first three pages touched and the others withering with neglect? I'm afraid to dream and boil up that pot of hope when i give up drinking the milo after looking at all the ingredients it requires. I think i'm lazy, I'm not sure. My mum knows the why, she says I'm exactly like my paternal uncle. Ambitious, but can never carry things through. I don't want to ask her more.

I think i'm scared to fail even though I know myself to be capable of so much more. I rather not try, then to try and fail and be remembered as that. My dreams have never been reached, because I've never had some. Even though my heart strings are strummed everytime I read the papers of remarkable deeds and inspiring determination, I just close the papers after I'm done. I never cut them out and magnet them to the fridge.

I don't know how to write to dreams, when I've never had the courage to face them.
Another time for this letter then.

Goodnight,
Joy

10th June with Mr NJS

2010-08-05T05:09:00.000-07:00

30DLC - Your Siblings

2010-07-31T00:50:00.000-07:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Your Siblings

Hey Ben!

You are such an ass. Came back at 2am last night and still had the audacity to call Papa for a lift. I don't know how to did it, but you got it! I've never tried that before and was always convinved it would never work. If you succeed again tonight I will be amazed, although i'll never admit that.

The past six months of your new life hasn't gone unnoticed at home. You have matured, become more self conscious, forceful in your opinions, and careful with your words. I think you've finally begun to understand how big this world is, and all that it contains with so many differnent types of people and mindsets. You're learning, very fast. Your situation reminds me of myself two years before graduating from secondary school, but you remind me nothing of myself.

New friends, new priorities, new obligations, new interests. I'm glad you have them all. I'm glad Facebook is your homepage, not some MMPORPG site. I'm glad you still talk to me like a friend, even though i'm so tired i don't give you an answer, or if i just tell you off like a parent. I hope we'll go to our parents' dinners together still, be bored with their choice of company together, talking crap to Papa together, finding excuses together for mum when we don't do our chores. There's so much i want to tell you off about, but thank you for reminding me to not grow up so fast and be as carefree as the kids we were once.

I want to grow old together with you. I want to be able to call you up every weekend at and do something together with our families. I want a similar interest with you, and only within us will this hobby remain. I'll spend quality time with you, and within this time no one else takes priority. I want to be able to still understand you when we reach the big four. I want to be able to tell stories of us to your kids when I hit the big six just a little faster than you. I want to be able to still make excuses to our parents together with you when we are balantly already thirty years old.

I want to be able to be proud of you at any point of time.
I want you to be proud to have me as a sister too.

Don't be home too late!

Cheers,
Joy.

Ranging the Environment

2010-07-29T00:29:00.000-07:00

30DLC - Your Parents

2010-07-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Your Parents

Dear Mum & Papa,

This is the one letter I wouldn't like to complete. Every morning before leaving for school I ask if there's dinner at home that day. Half the time we're certain some of us will be out and say, "take care of yourself", the other half of the time i get non-committed answers like "just come back early". When i say my friends had planned a movie outing, you insist I don't give family priority. Later on those days i get the news Papa has company for dinner, and no one is home when i rush back after school at seven.

Family is not fun, but yet i know very well family is forever. I've learnt over the years fighting never helps, but negotiating around each others personalities that we know so well helps just a little bit more. I know you two have your own secrets, and don't share them with me even though i'm already 18. I am able to deduce your thoughts, and you two know i do it very well. Are you scared that i'm growing up so fast?

I am mature, I am strong. You two are so afraid to disappoint me. Saying no to my plea to join my friends for a diving trip that day hurt very bad, but thank you for understanding how much i wanted to do it. Thank you for giving me a good answer as well, and a reminder to less selfish and make allowances for people around me. Parenting is never fun, but i hope you enjoyed the ride so far. Ben still has some distance to go, but at this age, I can feel the insecurities that he's going through. You two are noticing them, and i'm glad that we are still your first priority.

I will always give you my weekends. I will always try my best to bite my tongue when voices are raised at home. I will try to remember to do my chores daily, and I will always take a step back to listen to your lecture again with a clear head. I will talk to you, even though you may not always give me the answer i would like to hear. I will always look back at your waving hands, after each time i travel a bit further away from home. I will always smile when i remember your faces.

And, I will always look at you a two as one.

Love,
Joy

30DLC - Your Crush

2010-07-25T20:32:00.000-07:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Your Crush

Good Morning~!

I bet you're in school now, feeling all jelly like in class with the rain just outside the window. I wish you would text me and complain about that, but I know you're already sending that text to someone else.

I don't really have much to say, because you're just a crush. Hell, i don't even know you that well. I just really liked the initial impression i had, and still have, of you being an incredibly unique combination of funny, sociable, enthusiastic, energetic, gentlemanly, considerate, fun, and welcoming to everyone. I want everyone to get the know you. I want your facebook friends count to grow and stalk you because you bring smiles to everyone's faces. Not that you need my help, but you're on your way to become an incredible person and i just can't wait!

I'm not jealous of her. You guys have this history, and i'm torn between awe and envy of finding more about that history because i bet its awesome. You now have her, your friends, your facebook stalkers, and so many people who want a piece of you. I don't plan on resuming contact with you again, seeing people get bigger pieces of pie would just make me sad, but i'll never step forward and snatch for more. I'm lazy.

The short period of time my hormones were doing cartwheels and you entertained my chain of text messages. I'm really grateful. But they've all been deleted because our dreams and worlds are superior in priority and we'll rather create memories of incredible events with incredible groups of people, rather than spending time together in pairs and seclusion. We are so young, we march out of bed after four hours of sleep a day and embark on ambitious visions of entertaining a second, third, and fourth family in our schedules. I respect you for doing this so much longer than I have.

I really don't have that much to say. The next time i write this letter, i can't guarantee it'll be directed to you. My heart is fleeting, and so is my memory.

Please smile and say "Good Morning~!" to me the next time we meet! (:

Cheers!
Joy.

30DLC - Your Best Friend

2010-07-24T09:16:00.000-07:00

The 30 Day Letter Challenge
Write to - Your Best Friend

Dear SGH.

In my phone you are listed as steph stomp. In my email you're listed as wednesday_is_my_name. Your birthday is either on the the 26th of Aug or September. Whichever month is correct, An An's birthday is on the 26th of the other month. So i get it right most of the time.

Lets pretend you didn't go to Australia. I would still text you daily about school. You'll still text me daily about school. We'll keep up with Japanese Entertainment so that we have so much more to talk about. I know it sounds a bit desperate, but I know i just want more excuses to talk to you, and get your attention. I feel safe with you. You never condemn me for my opinions, you always accept them, or at least gently negotiate yourself around them. The most amazing part is that most of the time, we really agree with one another. But then again, this paragraph has too much "I" in it.

Lets pretend you didn't go to Australia. We'll still meet weekly, spontaneously usually in town to do the same things at the same places. I'll always get annoyed at your indeciveness, and i always suspect that you're always annoyed when i beat you in "Who Arrives Later". I know you always get annoyed when i get lazy to text anyone (including you) after the clock strikes 6pm. I know you really would like me to love YUI as much as you do, and spend copious amounts of time on msn trying to do so. I know you always get confused with the jimble jamble of thoughts that fall out of my mind and into conversations with you. Like 50m of string wound up in a ball, you always start unraveling me, you never left me as i was.

Now that you did go Australia, my life is flooded with school. you were the dam that held back the waters of meager matters and taught me the importance of myself before pleasing the world. Now that every message in my phone inbox has association initials behind the name of the senders, i search through the list looking for your name that would pull me back from the clouds and onto dry land again.

Now that you did go Australia, i know you may change into a completely different person. I don't expect you to return after three years and still have patience for me. I know it might take copious amounts of time to get used to me again. I know that being my best friend isn't your job, wasn't, and will never be. I'm okay with all this. I can't say i'm happy to see you change, I will still be really proud of you to have been able to return after completion of your three years. But i still crazy miss you. For being someone i could completely confide in and feel zero pressure to change. I am looking, honestly, for a replacement or someone like you. But honestly, i am not hopeful. I will never do justice to any suitable candidate, I can't compare anyone to you. Steph Standards, i could call them. I can give some people hearts on their facebook walls, but they don't even qualify for Steph Standards.

I am so selfish. But i hope this letter is sufficient for you to know how much you meant to me. And that you were a gem to someone, and that you should be one for yourself as well. Above all, my greatest wish is to be able to hear from you once in a while 50 years down the road. A christmas card annually would also be lovely. Your grandchildren don't have to know my name, but if you still remember my face i would be forever happy.

Cheers!
Joy.

ABC 5656

2010-07-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

axe - ventures

2010-07-17T00:14:00.000-07:00

Boyband Album Cover

2010-07-16T23:02:00.000-07:00

City Square Mall

2010-07-08T22:38:00.000-07:00